To My Chicas

My chicas, my girls, you are the best friends ever! I am grateful that God has placed you in my life. I appreciate your encouragement and your advice.

Chicas, you have allowed me to pour out my emotions during heartbreak. I believe the worst heartbreaks are the loss of a loved one and when a guy just doesn’t “like” you like that. You shared kind words and tough love. “It’s okay to cry” when my sister died. “I don’t think he’s the one for you” when I secretly knew you were right, but I tuned you out instead.

Chicas, we have not only endured heartbreak, but we have thrived in joy. We have boldly jumped out of a plane on a summer afternoon. We have went zorbing. We have ran into a movie theater, because we didn’t want to be late for the showing of “The Princess and the Frog.”

We have sat in kitchens and bedrooms and just talked about everything. And in college, we spent hours at the dining hall, when we knew we had mad homework to get done.

We have celebrated birthdays and attended weddings. We have eaten sushi or Mexican food together. We have relaxed under the sun at the beach. We have sang in churches. We have driven long or short distances to get to festivals and concerts.

Whether I grew up with you, met you at college, or we found each other at church, please know that I cherish you! Each of you are fantabulous, beautiful,spunky, adventurous, bold, and intelligent!

And I am excited about sticking with you as your futures vibrantly unwind.

Chicas,in corny, afrotastic style, I dedicate this song to you:

Afrotastically Single: Part 2

Two blog posts in one day…what is going on? Apparently, I have more to say about this topic.

Afrotastic, single, fantabulous..this is me! I’m not trying to boast or anything. I just know that I am doing my own thang and loving it.Sometimes, single gal status is viewed as a problem, as something that needs to be fixed. This is based on the following questions I get from folks:

1. Have you tried online dating?

My response: Uh-huh…I’ve tried it, and I ain’t about that life.

2. Well, aren’t there any guys at your church?

My response: got jokes, huh?

Then, there are the awkward matchmaking situations:

1.Mama tries to be love guru, and I am thankful for her best intentions. But best intentions+mama=embarrassed me!

2. Friends/acquaintances introduce me to a cool, intelligent guy. Problem is, neither me or cool guy are interested in being matched with each other.

Sure, I appreciate the heartfelt and even clumsy attempts from family and friends to figure out my love life. But in my mind, singleness is not quite a social ill. And I really have bigger things to think up such as eating, sleeping, working full-time and attending graduate school part-time.

Yup, eating is my first priority as I can’t be messed with when I am hungry. I’m a mean gal on an empty stomach.


Afrotastically Single

I am going there. I have a proclamation! Please open up your eyes really, really wide. I am afrotastic and single. Nope, I didn’t just get out of a horrible relationship. There is no man to complain about. I decided to try to limit my moaning about my single status.

And for all of my single, beautiful, intelligent female comrades out there: I know how excruciating it can be to open up your Facebook page and see another marriage or baby update. It’s not that you’re not excited for that old college friend, but you begin to wonder when it will be your time.

Time can feel so pesky. It can feel like there’s a loud clock ticking inside your head! You think, “I am this age and still single. Good grief.”

I need to stop saying “Good grief,” because obviously it is not my time yet. I’ve always hated it when folks said that to me, “It’s just not your time.” Those folks are usually in serious relationships or married with kids, which makes it difficult to take their words seriously. Now, I understand the meaning behind their words. Here are my reasons for the change in attitude:

1. I want to better myself, and I am actually doing this through attending graduate school. Although, I am busy and a little tired now, it’s easier to be single and going to graduate school than to be married with kids. It sounds cliche, but this is the time to explore the world.

2. I will not SETTLE! I wholeheartedly believe that God has an awesome, godly husband for me. I’m not going to waste emotions, time, or energy with counterfeits. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I have realized it is worth the wait because I am FANTABULOUS. And the man who finds me will find a FANTABULOUS lady!

Yes, I know it sounds idealistic and even strange to wait for a husband. Obviously, I am not going to marry someone on the first date. I believe you have to spend the time to get to know someone and  date them. For me, it is a conscious decision to pray and to wait for the man that pursues me. I expect that man to have really thought about me and consulted God about his next steps.

So until that moment comes, I’m going to live, live, and live!

-Blessings y’all!

When Things Shift…

Things shift. In our lives, we experience struggle and mystery, but we also encounter transformation and love. In July 2013, my sister died from a long-term illness. That day was the worst and best day of my life. I lost a person that I loved dearly, and it broke me. But my sister received her miracle. She had  underwent so much suffering and was finally granted a time without it. God took her to Heaven.

When my sister died, I felt like someone took my heart out of my body and stomped on it. Heaviness followed me each day. I held onto Jesus in a way that I never held onto Him before. I needed His strength and guidance to live through the complexity of the situation. The blessing is that I survived the heartache. Indeed, I still think about her, but I hold her memories in my healed heart.

September 2014, I am in a Master’s of Social Work program. Last year, I was sobbing, and I felt like I was sleepwalking through life. Now, I am busy and balancing the demands of work and school. I am learning that I am much smarter than I know, that I am capable because of God’s strength. Today, one of the instructors told the class that we were accepted into this program, so we are capable enough to do it. I needed this revelation, as I had been thinking about how nervous I was about even being in grad school. I thought, “Do I even belong here?” Well, I do belong here, and I am eager to learn and change as a human being, as a human services professional, and as a Christian.

Things shift. From dark to light, from sadness to joy, I am experiencing the curves of life.