Two Year Old

I like to hold onto things! I hold onto thank you and birthday cards. As I look at the sweet words in said cards, I become gleeful.

I hold onto memories and expectations. Like a two year old, I have a tantrum when expectations aren’t fulfilled. When the tantrum has ended, I become introspective. I wonder if the tantrum was really necessary and if my expectations were too high.

Lately, I have been holding onto a thing that isn’t mine. I am the two year old, who has stolen another child’s favorite toy. I am crying, “It’s mine” when I actually know the truth.

It is not MINE; it’s God’s!

My mind has arrived at this epiphany but my heart is fighting back. My heart is broken and it is slipping into heavy emotions. This is when I know that I have to give God my heart and let Him hold it. At the end of it, He’s got me. He knows what I need when I really need it. He knows when it is the best time to give me something when I believe the time is right now!

I haven’t yet mastered the art of waiting, of letting go! Although, I am grateful that I can ask God to help me to be a graceful waiter and not a spoiled two year old.

At the bottom of this entry, I have attached the song, “Everything is Yours” by Audrey Assad. This wonderful singer-songwriter has captured all of my thoughts into one song. Please take a moment to listen to it.

-Blessings

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Sounds+Words

Sounds+Words. Just sounds. Just words. Silence. This is music.

As with everything, God created music. Then human beings took these sounds and wrapped them up into their own expressions. I’m not a music teacher but I do love music. My family even jokes about how many CDs I own. Yes, I am one of those people that buys CDs.

I was raised in a Christian, and to be more specific, a Pentecostal household, where traditional hymns, Southern songs, and Contemporary Gospel tunes flooded me. My parents told me that everything else was “Devil music” and could not be listened to. Of course, I circumvented their orders. I remember kneeling on the floor, with my ear to the TV, listening to TRL and All That on low volume. I had to keep up with the latest jams.

My parents must have gotten less strict because at a certain point, I started listening to B2K, Jay Z, Aaliyah, and Avril Lavigne on my stereo. I was also listening to sounds that my parents could tolerate such as Kirk Franklin, Yolanda Adams, and Mary Mary. What a mix of sounds!

Music surrounded me as I sang with Chorus in high school and hung out with my singer friends.

During college, I was introduced to new sounds such as Coldplay and Switchfoot. I continued to cling to Rap music as I danced to it at parties.

You want to hear something awesome, though? God spoke to me through music. During my first semester at college, I went to a Gospel concert held by one of the Christian fellowships. I left the concert, convicted! Once I got back to my dorm room, I had my parents pray the prayer of salvation with me over the phone. I was so excited and listened to more music in my room.

I know that music is effective. It’s heartfelt, beautiful, and encouraging. It’s loud, funky, quiet, and soft. Music can be a teacher. I’m sure you’ve listened to a song, whether spiritual or secular, that made you think deeper.

My all-time favorite song is “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke as it was written during a time where black folks needed to see change.

My favorite worship song right now is “Forever” by Kari Jobe as it chronicles the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! It shouts in my face that Jesus is alive! He is here and so ever present!

Music, the universal language, walks and even runs into the hands, feet, and mouths of human beings. They take music and make noise. Thank you Lord for music!

-Blessings!

 

 

 

I’mma afrotasticlady

Maybe…just maybe, you want to know why I call myself the afrotasticlady. Well, please push your Coke and your delicious dinner to the side! I’m going to give you an explanation.

If you’ve ever met or even seen me, you will know that I have a FIERCE afro! It’s either locked down in twists or it’s big and out! Yes, I am not my hair but my hair is a huge part of me.

I have been wearing my hair natural for the past 4 years. It has been an interesting journey for me. As a pre-teen, I started getting my hair relaxed as it was becoming too unmanageable for my mom. I was tender-headed and had thick hair. So, off I went to the salon. Like most black women, I had my visit to the hair salon every 6-8 weeks. Doesn’t it sound like I’m talking about going to the doctor?! Well, that’s what it felt like. I had to get the new growth tamed. It wasn’t a nice look to have straight hair and “nappy” edges. BTW, I hate the word “nappy” as it sounds downright derogatory to me.

Let’s fast forward to my college years. I’m still getting my hair relaxed and I’ve had a few, different looks. I rocked the bob and the Rihanna short cut. Then, my racial identity started to transform. I’ve always been aware of my blackness but I learned so much more about African/African American history at Umass Amherst. I even ended up majoring in Afro-American Studies and became enraged at the extent of racism in this country. I also started to think about my hair and how I felt that I was trying to fit into a Eurocentric ideal. I toyed with the idea about becoming natural for a while but I was scared. I wondered…1. Would I still be attractive with natural hair? 2. Would I be accepted by society?

Post-college, I decide on a whim to cut off my relaxed ends. Actually, my mom gave me the haircut. Thus, my journey began. Sometimes, it feels like a struggle as I try to figure how to properly take care of my hair. I ain’t gonna lie;it was easier to care for my relaxed hair. But I am glad that I took charge of my identity as a black woman and went natural. And no, everyone who becomes natural doesn’t do it for political or even spiritual reasons. For me, I wanted to cherish the way God made my hair.

So, I’mma afrotasticlady. Being an afrotasticlady means that you are uniquely YOU in your natural hair! You may even be a little quirky or have an eclectic sense of fashion. You experiment with your hair and embrace the many different styles that your hair can hold. You love your curls because God made them!

Explanation done! Resume the consumption of your dinner now!

P.S. Check out some pics of some of my hairstyles! The last one is my fav as I’m rocking my natural hair.

 

 

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Who I Am…

Well..I decided to join the blogosphere! As I am a writer, I thought this may inspire me to write more. I also want to share random musings about God, love, and being afrotastic. So, let me give you a brief introduction of myself.

I love God, church, family, friends, children, people in general, coffee, chocolate, ice cream, food in general, justice, peace, vintage clothes, classic movies, historical black movies, Gospel music, Contemporary Christian music, Christian rap, concerts, festivals, writing, theater, the ocean, summer, singing, performing, and afros. I cannot forget about my love for natural hair.

I am a Christian, an awkward black girl, an introvert, an old soul, sweet yet spunky, timely, responsible, a thinker, a foodie, a reluctant leader, an advocate, a writer, a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a cousin, and a friend.

This is who I am in a few descriptions. I strive to be a woman of God and a pleasant human being. I’m not perfect but I try to reflect on my failures and lean on ย God for help.