Guest Blog Post: My Daily Weights

(Hey friends! This guest blog post is by an anonymous source, but I wanted to share her experiences with depression as a Christian. In the Christian community, it can be challenging to talk about mental health. Some Christians feel guilt and shame when they are plagued by depression or anxiety.  They may feel that they are failing God or themselves. Yet, I do not believe anyone should feel that level of shame.  A Christian should feel free to ask for help. He/she can cry to God in prayer and even go to a counselor.  Vulnerability is vital as the roots/causes of the pain must be revealed.  Thus, the work of healing can commence.  Please read the honest thoughts of this sister’s battle. -afrotasticlady)

My Daily Weights

Everyday I wake up, I’m free. I’m breathing in and out regularly.  I’m feeling every inch of my outstretched limbs. My head is clear. My heart is full. For seconds, minutes, and sometimes even hours it’s like this. It’s peace. It’s bliss. Then, a weight gets piled on. One at a time, more and more weights get added to it. Soon, I’m hunched over. My mind is clouded , breath caught in my chest , heart racing. Nothing has to happen, yet it’s like it all happens at once. Everything. All of it. The sadness, anxiety, self-doubt, hatred, anger all of it right there. I don’t ask for it. I don’t want it. I beg it to leave. I plead and bargain asking for just a few more seconds of peace. But it’s never relenting. It doesn’t give up. It seems the more I scream, the further it sinks its claws into me. And I am stuck. Trapped. There’s no tunnel out. There’s no light shining. Just me pushing air out, sucking air in, putting one foot in front of the other as the weights keep piling on. And all I can do is bide my time and wait until the next morning. Wait to start all over again. -Anonymous