Guest Blog Post: My Daily Weights

(Hey friends! This guest blog post is by an anonymous source, but I wanted to share her experiences with depression as a Christian. In the Christian community, it can be challenging to talk about mental health. Some Christians feel guilt and shame when they are plagued by depression or anxiety.  They may feel that they are failing God or themselves. Yet, I do not believe anyone should feel that level of shame.  A Christian should feel free to ask for help. He/she can cry to God in prayer and even go to a counselor.  Vulnerability is vital as the roots/causes of the pain must be revealed.  Thus, the work of healing can commence.  Please read the honest thoughts of this sister’s battle. -afrotasticlady)

My Daily Weights

Everyday I wake up, I’m free. I’m breathing in and out regularly.  I’m feeling every inch of my outstretched limbs. My head is clear. My heart is full. For seconds, minutes, and sometimes even hours it’s like this. It’s peace. It’s bliss. Then, a weight gets piled on. One at a time, more and more weights get added to it. Soon, I’m hunched over. My mind is clouded , breath caught in my chest , heart racing. Nothing has to happen, yet it’s like it all happens at once. Everything. All of it. The sadness, anxiety, self-doubt, hatred, anger all of it right there. I don’t ask for it. I don’t want it. I beg it to leave. I plead and bargain asking for just a few more seconds of peace. But it’s never relenting. It doesn’t give up. It seems the more I scream, the further it sinks its claws into me. And I am stuck. Trapped. There’s no tunnel out. There’s no light shining. Just me pushing air out, sucking air in, putting one foot in front of the other as the weights keep piling on. And all I can do is bide my time and wait until the next morning. Wait to start all over again. -Anonymous

 

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6 thoughts on “Guest Blog Post: My Daily Weights

  1. So true. There should be no shame. Even though we are in Christ we are in this world and with it comes brokenness. I struggle with these issues myself at times but God carry us. We find strength to go on in him!

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    • Hey Naomi! Thanks so much for coming by and leaving a comment. I love to hear other Christians talk about their struggles with these emotional issues. It needs to be talked about. As you said, we live in this world and are confronted by a myriad of issues. But God comforts us through it all! Hallelujah!

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  2. Hey Monica! Thank you so much for allowing your friend to share on this tough topic, especially in the Christian community. I’m praying that the stigma continues to fade. Because as Naomi said, we live in a broken world and it affect all differently.

    I sometimes think David struggled with depression to, if you read some of the Psalms (42 & 43) he as in dire need of comfort. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God

    Maybe it’s why David pleaded with God for His presence and why he was a man after God’s heart…

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    • Hey Simone! As always, thanks so much for reading! I appreciate the thoughtful comments you leave me! 🙂 I am glad that my friend was brave enough to share her daily battle with depression. Like you and Naomi said, there is so much stigma in the Christian community. As a MSW student, I often feel like I am in an interesting position. I believe in God’s utter healing yet I also believe that He can use therapy to help with that. There are Christians out there who are in a lot of emotional agony, because they feel it is not acceptable to reach out for professional help. I pray that we see how important it is to be emotionally healthy as well as spiritually healthy and strong.

      Oh, I do love the honesty of the Psalms. Very real prayers/cries to the Lord! I think David may have struggled with depression. There are quite a few folks in the Bible who I wonder if they were challenged by depression.

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  3. Honesty like this can be rare in the Christian world, which is really sad. We often pretend we have it all together, and end up being hypocrites. I love this woman’s openness and vulnerability. I think in opening up about ourselves with loving others, including Christians counselors, we find healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Elsie! So glad you stopped by and commented. I love what you just said about vulnerability. In the Church, we need more vulnerability and less pretending. Like you said, there is healing in taking off the mask and letting God and a wise counselor walk with you in the brokenness. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

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