A Wedding and Singleness

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Last week, I attended the wedding of my friend, A. I have talked about our friendship in Grief and the Curves of Life. I was honored to not only attend the wedding, but to be a bridesmaid. When a woman selects bridesmaids, she selects women from her community; her sisterhood.

A’s sisterhood is comprised of beautiful, smart and gifted young women! We did not all know each other. Three of the women were friends beforehand and lived around the same area. K (another bridesmaid) and I were introduced to each other and to the three women. We all had several occasions to get to know each other such as the bachelorette party weekend and the bridal shower. I also hung out with two of the women and A at an Italian festival.

Throughout all of our gatherings, we got along and connected over conversations about how we met A. We chatted about A’s idiosyncrasies, her love of God and of people. We were women of different personalities and of different racial/cultural backgrounds, but we respected and liked each other. We loved A and were ecstatic about her upcoming wedding. Sometimes, when women get together, there can be disrespect and turmoil. We did not witness such trials. After the reception was over, we mentioned that we should stay in touch and have a Winter get together.

God is a Connector of people! Thank you to my friend JH for emphasizing that point to me.

I enjoyed seeing A and her husband AC meet at the altar. In our blue dresses with silver broaches, we, bridesmaids, watched the tears dribble out of AC’s eyes and the smile that crossed A”s face. As an entire congregation, we sung one of my favorite songs “How He Loves.”  We listened to A and AC’s handwritten vows, and our excitement flowed as they kissed.

Husband and wife. A man and a woman whose love was molded by the ultimate Savior and Lover of souls.

Jesus.

During the day, I attempted to shove away thoughts about how I might meet someone there. I have heard folk say “You meet the one in college” or “You never know who you can meet at a wedding.” So far, I have not met anyone in either circumstance. I have been to college, and I have gone to several weddings.

I did not want meeting someone to be my focus. I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding, and I was celebrating A and AC. My part in their romance was to pray for continual blessings and to support them. Meeting boo at wedding was not the objective.

But as my fellow bridesmaid K stated:

“It’s impossible to be single and go to a wedding without thinking ‘what if…’ I couldn’t help but deep down think well maybe. Maybe someone here will notice me.”

Weddings are filled with love and relationships, whether familial, platonic, or romantic. As a bridesmaid, I felt joyful and beautiful, and I began to wonder the maybe’s…I did not want to wonder the maybe’s. Maybe, someone will watch me as I walk down the aisle. Maybe, someone will come over and talk to me as I sit at my table. Maybe, someone will think to themselves, “She seems cute and nice.” Well, the maybe’s turned into no’s.

No one approached me. No, I did not have one of those fairytale moments in which the guy and girl are pulled to each other. Guy and girl stare at each other’s faces and say aloud “Why haven’t we met before?” Nah, these moments happen in Meg Ryan movies such as Sleepless in Seattle and You Got Mail. My life is not a movie, and I am just a quirky, Christian Black chick with glasses.

But weddings can produce such idealism. They can make you swoony and hopeful of meeting someone. Weddings can also have awkward parts for the single lady. The most awkward parts are:

1. When slow songs come one, a single lady is usually kicked off of the dance floor. There are not many other options than to go back to your table. You can stare at the dancing couples on the dance floor, you  can take a selfie or you can do both. To occupy the dragging minutes of the slow dances, K and I took a selfie. Selfie below:

Wedding Selfie

2. When spotting a cutie, do you say something? It’s a wedding, and you may not see this person again. So,do you go    over and introduce yourself? And if you do introduce yourself, what do you say? Perhaps, you say:

“Hi, my name is _______! Do you know the bride or the groom?”

or

“Hey! Why aren’t you dancing? I’d love to see ya break a move. Breakdance, do the robot, do something!

or

“Wanna cut a rug?!” 

After you have said something clever, what else do you say? How do you deal with the pauses or the sideway glances? Even though, I have jumped out a plane before, there’s more risk in approaching a cutie at a wedding. I am a traditionalist, and I do not want to chase a guy.

But then, is it chasing to introduce yourself to a guy and see where the conversation goes? I spotted cutie, and I just continued to socialize with the girls. It was an easier and safer choice. Since God has connected me with so many female friends, I am sure that He will connect me to my godly boo in time. Now, I am not saying that I do not still wrestle with time (I talked about this concept in Singleness and the Curves of Life.), because I do wrestle. I yell and wrestle furiously with time and I ask myself, “When I will get married?

But I just think there really is not anything else that I can do but to wait on God. Waiting is not an easy feat, but it has to be done.

I do not believe God wants my concerns about singlesness to overtake me. I read in His Word:

“Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:10

Bridesmaid Status

Single sisters, how do y’all contend with singlesness at a wedding? Holla at me! Please let me know in the comments below!

Blessings,

afrotasticlady

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8 thoughts on “A Wedding and Singleness

  1. Hello my friend! I can say as I’ve gotten older weddings have become more enjoyable surprisingly enough! I think that has been because I no longer struggle with the jealousy I did in my 20s. I usually have the best time at the reception and am out on the dance floor. I did have an akward moment once where I needed a partner to dance and my female friend, also single, came to the rescue. There will be times like that. I think what also helps is I am surrounded by people who have experienced extensive singleness and waited on God’s best. I have gotten to attend their weddings and rejoice with them as they FINALLY receive their promise 😊. But really there is no formula on walking this path. It is just walking forward by faith leaning into God and His grace sustaining you all the way. As you keep walking forward you learn this life is not a fairytale and even those who marry have to fight for their joy. We must learn to cultivate contentment and joy in our individual lives so that when we are partnered woth some else we can truly be a help mate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Nicole! Thanks so much for reading and commenting! It’s always great to hear how other single women walk faithfully on this path of intentional faithfulness. Fortunately, I have a lot of friends who are on the same path so we support each other. And like you said, it’s good to invest in our lives now so when marriage does come, we are truly able to be a helpmate. I can say that I really enjoy weddings! And it was truly a blessing to be a bridesmaid and watching my friend get married. I was grateful to celebrate with her and the bridesmaids. Ditto; marriage is work. I see all my parents have invested and it is a lot of work, time, and patience.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: 2015’s Bursts of Joy | And I am an afrotasticlady!

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