I’ve been quite busy during the past few weeks. I celebrated my birthday, celebrated a friend’s birthday and explored another part of the state, and met new people. Yet, grief is like a shadow that’s standing behind these joyous days! Grief is also like a paper cut. Paper cuts sting, and they can come unexpectedly. I don’t like grief moments,but I have to hang onto God when they occur. As much as I appreciate the encouragement and support from friends and family, God is the One who is aware of how gritty my grief is. A grief moment happens…
-When I hear a peer talking about the illness that my sister suffered with, and I have to be normal.
-When someone asks me how many siblings I have, and I do not know how to answer the question.
-When a family member suggests that we go to my sister’s grave, and I get defensive. I say, “She’s not really there, so what’s the point of going there?”
-When the death anniversary is approaching, and I am trying to figure out if I should just ignore the fact that the day is going to arrive soon.
-When I act like grief shouldn’t be a problem. I think to myself, “Get over this. You’re a Christian and you’re Black.”
-When I feel like I shouldn’t talk about grief. I say to myself, “My sister is in Heaven and is not suffering anymore.”
-When I feel misunderstood, because sibling grief is forgetten grief.
-When I watch a movie and someone dies in it, my heart starts to crash in my chest.
-When I read a Psalm, and I realize that I can be honest with God about my grief.
I feel like grief is so weird and challenging, but it also cannot be ignored. I usually want to ignore it, but I know it’s better to deal with it now, than to let it explode later in my life.