I’ve been quite busy during the past few weeks. I celebrated my birthday, celebrated a friend’s birthday and explored another part of the state, and met new people. Yet, grief is like a shadow that’s standing behind these joyous days! Grief is also like a paper cut. Paper cuts sting, and they can come unexpectedly. I don’t like grief moments,but I have to hang onto God when they occur. As much as I appreciate the encouragement and support from friends and family, God is the One who is aware of how gritty my grief is. A grief moment happens…
-When I hear a peer talking about the illness that my sister suffered with, and I have to be normal.
-When someone asks me how many siblings I have, and I do not know how to answer the question.
-When a family member suggests that we go to my sister’s grave, and I get defensive. I say, “She’s not really there, so what’s the point of going there?”
-When the death anniversary is approaching, and I am trying to figure out if I should just ignore the fact that the day is going to arrive soon.
-When I act like grief shouldn’t be a problem. I think to myself, “Get over this. You’re a Christian and you’re Black.”
-When I feel like I shouldn’t talk about grief. I say to myself, “My sister is in Heaven and is not suffering anymore.”
-When I feel misunderstood, because sibling grief is forgetten grief.
-When I watch a movie and someone dies in it, my heart starts to crash in my chest.
-When I read a Psalm, and I realize that I can be honest with God about my grief.
I feel like grief is so weird and challenging, but it also cannot be ignored. I usually want to ignore it, but I know it’s better to deal with it now, than to let it explode later in my life.
I was led here, somehow, from your Instagram. I was reading your post about grief moments, and I really appreciate you sharing such deep thoughts and emotions. I, too, am a black, Christian woman. I lost my only sibling last summer. I feel your pain and defensiveness in talking about grief, and having people around you address it.
I especially identify with the sibling question. It may seem odd that I still say I have one older brother, but it helps to avoid having to explain what happened, and in turn, make myself even sadder. And I do still have one older brother, he is just not here with me.
I pray for healing for your heart. I understand some of your grief, but I know each journey with grief is different. I pray that we both find strength in Christ, and we are able to help others who experience grief. I know you have helped me already 💙.
Hello Amber! Thank you so much for reading my blog and leaving me a comment. That means a lot, and it is always nice to meet someone who has experienced the loss of a sibling. They are unfortunate circumstances to meet someone, but I feel this kind of grief is something that can be so misunderstood. It can feel even more complex in Christian and Black circles. You have been through a lot, and I pray the same for you;that God heals your heart. He is the Only One who can do so. I agree with the sibling question. It is tough to explain, and I tend to feel like I have to explain it. Again, it was nice to read your comment. Blessings!
It is a blessing to read a blog and read how you feel about losing a sibling and grieving. I loss my baby sister January 2014 and been very challenging. I thank God for his peace and understanding. I will continue to pray for God’s Healing for All of us.
Hi Brenda!Thanks so much for reading the post and leaving a comment. Even though it’s not the best circumstances, I find it a blessing to talk to other women of color about the grieving process! Like you said, I know that God is the Only One who can heal hearts. I pray the same healing for you as you endure the grieving process.