Towards ME

Tonight, in my Human Behavior in the Social Environment class, we discussed our perceptions of ourselves, and the perceptions that others have of us. Usually, these two perceptions differ from each other. You can view yourself as quiet and introspective while someone else views you as shy and anti-social. Your positive self-image can be easily dismantled by another person’s first impression. Sometimes, you end up succumbing to the labels that others place on you. I have always been the “shy” one, the girl that doesn’t talk. I know that there is a side of me that others do not see. There’s a “me” that I do not even know about. My identity is in Christ, and He knows me.

A few years ago, I wrote a poem called “Towards ME.” As you read, please think about the following questions: How do you perceive yourself, and how do others perceive you? Which of these perceptions is the truth?ย  I would love if folks shared their answers to these questions.

Blessings, y’all!

Towards ME

The real ME
Is there
I just haven’t found her yet
I’m learning…
To be patient
With the process
That things don’t happen as quickly as you want them to
As time progresses
Healing comes
To be honest
With myself
And those around me
To reveal
My inadequacies
And to not hide behind this mistaken Christian “perfection”
God is the only perfect One
And sometimes I expect too much out of myself
While God simply tells me to “calm down”
While my dad wisely says that “you have to crawl before you walk”
To admit
That “I’m not alright”
As the song says “I’m not alright. I’m broken inside, broken inside.”
But to equally know that I will be okay
I’m not sure which is harder
Pretending that you’re alright or expressing the fact that you’re not
To realize
That God helps me in the darkness
His light shines through the mess
To hear
His voice
When distraction threatens discernment
To know
That He’s holding me
During the tears
During the aching despair
To ask
For help
Because independence clogs my vocal cords
Feeling misunderstood turns me upside down
To open
My heart to love
To let
Love in
It wants to thrive in this fragile heart
To grasp
Love in my worn hands
Because there are people who genuinely love me
But negativity tells me that they shouldn’t
To say
When I really want to
It’s as though my life is not my own
Since I allow others to rule it
Don’t want to be in the back seat anymore
I want to take the wheel
To find
Frankly, I don’t even think I know who I am
Beyond the classic statement “You are God’s child”
Who am I?
I’ve been “shy,” “quiet,” and “overly sensitive” for so long
That these behaviors have become a crutch
In new and uncomfortable situations
Somewhere, I know
The real ME hides
It’s lurking
Ready to burst through the shell
It’s a matter of waiting for its arrival

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